Sunday, March 11, 2012

damn hipster babies

Thanks a lot, Jolie-Pitts.  It used to be that we mere mortals only had to feel lame for not being as fashionable as celebrities themselves.  But now, thanks to Brangelina and a slew of other reproducing glamorati (they’re like rabbits!), we also have to worry about our babies keeping up with the Joneses in the style department.  It seems like everywhere I turn I'm bombarded by images of dapper, well put-together little dudes and dudettes - mini fashion plates in Pampers.  They're at the playground in skinny jeans and suspenders, looking cool and aloof in the sandbox while the other kids wipe their noses on their Garanimals sleeves.  They're hipster babies, for Godssake, and they're setting impossible standards for other (okay, my) normal (okay, Pigpen from Peanuts) children.    They're so attractive, so impossibly stylish - like little micro reproductions of their über cool mommies and daddies.  And hey, don't misunderstand me - there is nothing wrong with rocking some parental style.  I like to think I'm a pretty stylish (if not über cool) mommy.  It’s just that I'm realistic about what my kids like to wear.  I know that my children are not mini-me's, and I don't pressure them to be.  This comes from experience: it took me a few years into Annie’s existence to realize she’s not actually my personal dress up doll, and that in fact she could not care less about her appearance (fashion-wise or otherwise) and I should just let her be herself.  It’s not worth the fight over her wearing ratty cutoff jean shorts and flip flops 24/7.  She has other priorities, and that's okay. 

I'll admit, it still frustrates me some days (“You look homeless!”) but I try to keep it in perspective.  She’s a kid.  I don't want to rob her of the carefree, ragamuffin days of her youth.  And when I see a mother out somewhere with a gaggle of well-dressed, put-together little kiddos tagging along behind her, I try to keep my envy in check.  I always wonder, Are those kids comfortable in gladiator sandals?  Did Mommy have to bribe/threaten them to get dressed? Were there tears? Spitting? Is there a shock collar under that gingham oxford? And who knows, maybe those kids are totally happy in their tight-fitting, fashionable little ensembles.  All I know is I have never met a child who enjoys dressing in layers (“These shirts are STICKING TOGETHER, AHHHHH!"), and I have never seen a toddler keep a hat on for more than five minutes, let alone a just-so-slouched knit beanie.  If given the choice, kids will pick comfort over fashion every time.  They need to move around, be mobile, get messy.  And that doesn't really work in a winter-white baby blazer. 

Another issue is that real kids have horrible taste. I see ads for entire lines of childrens' clothing (or just all of the Jolie-Pitt children) in chic, neutral tones, and I think, Yeah, right!  Kids like gaudy, glittery crap with decals and screen prints of famous people's faces on it. If you give Annie the choice, she'll pick a tacky pair of Disney Princess light-up shoes over a stylish suede sandal any day. It's just the way their brains work. They're like fish, attracted to shiny things.  Plus, look at the examples from tv that kids are emulating right now.  Have you seen Nickelodeon lately?  It's like their wardrobe stylist closes her eyes, throws darts at a style board and just goes with whatever she hits.  Sailor stripe turtle neck, acid wash denim vest, floral skirt and sparkle tights?  That'll do!  And Annie just eats it up, too - most days she leaves for school looking like a rodeo clown on acid.

In the end it’s the babies I feel bad for, because they can’t speak up for themselves.  Every time I see one of those poor baby girls with a HUGE headband flower thing on her head, I just wanna yank it off and rubber-band-shoot it at her mom and dad.  I mean, does that LOOK comfortable?  Do their moms even care, or do they just sit back bewildered, thinking, That’s strange, baby Vivienne doesn’t seem to like her cashmere snood today.  And little Henry just barfed on his J Crew bow tie!  Get real, parental units.  Your three month-old did not wake up this morning wondering which scarf to wear with his adorably ironic baby suspenders.  He just wants a bottle.  And if he's anything like my baby, he'll spit it up all over his clothes anyway.  Hey, maybe that scarf will come in handy after all!      

okay, now that i got all that off my chest...
how cute are these kids, seriously?!

damn hipster babies.
this is what fashion looks like at our house:

[mono] color blocking

print mixing... and mixing... and mixing...
(also known as rodeo clown chic)


  1. She really is my child! Haha love it!! - Nattie

  2. Do you have the source for the baby boy photo with the glasses and bow tie? I'm trying to find the photographer of this photo.

  3. Since you little girl loves mismatching buy her the right clothes she can mismatch and you will have your very own hipster...the reason why kids would rather wear a shirt with a panda or in my case tiger is because I didn't sell her out to Disney