You know how Mariah Carey has that crazy eight-octave vocal range and she can hit those insanely high notes, like in her song Emotions from 1991? Don't pretend you don't know.
Okay, now imagine what Mariah Carey would sound like if you stretched her out on a bed of nails and drove a humvee over her body. That's pretty much what Estie sounds like when she's angry. Yep. And she's currently teething, which may or may not have caused the awful cold she has, and most definitely is causing her tremulous gas. So it's a real operatic experience in our house right now. Damn you, vaulted ceilings and your impressive acoustics!
Sometimes when I'm rocking Estie and trying to decide if my eardrums are bleeding or just leaking fluid, I like to think of fun little pet names for her. You're familiar with some of my favorites (asshole, dickhead) but those are just a few. For example, earlier this evening during a particularly boisterous tantrum, I came up with supermegabitchosaurus. I like it. But, being the lit geek that I am, sometimes I like to mix things up and branch out from the compound words. Sometimes I like to play with alliteration. Lke right now, as I chopstick-peck at my laptop keyboard while holding a freshly zonked-out psycho baby in the other arm, I am thinking of "S" words. Like:
Sucky
Shrieking
Screaming
Sticky
Sweaty
Snarling
Spitting
Stinking
Sore-gummed
Sinus-infected
Snotty
Slobbering
Shithead
Oh, and don't forget Sweet. Because babies are so, so freaking sweet.
*As always, dear readers, I write to you with faith that you take absolutely nothing I say seriously. While my baby IS psychotically teething, I love her to pieces and am hopelessly devoted to her.
I really do think my ears are bleeding, though - that was for reals.
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