reading = winning

So I just spent an hour on the floor of Annie's room, doing crafts and listening to her read.  The last ten minutes was me reading to her, during which she fell sound asleep and the buzz I began to feel while she was reading turned into a full-blown drunk.  Except I hadn't drank anything - it was just the mystical, calming effect of actually reading a book.  Apparently, quiet, unplugged evening activities are relaxing.  Apparently they're healthy.  And unlike my usual nightly iPhone Pinterest sesh, it's left me feeling pretty good about myself - instead of hungry, out of shape and feening for a multi-million dollar shopping spree. 

 

Nighty night, nerds.

call me macaulay

Through some mystical turn of events, I'm home alone for a few hours tonight.  Well, Estie's here... but she's ass-up in her crib, snoring like a fat little puppy and dreaming of delicious finger foods.  So I'm alone.  Which is RARE.  Like, unicorn sextuplets-rare.  And you know how excited I get about my solo time.  All alone in a big, quiet house... the freedom is intoxicating.  I can do anything - naked pedicures, gluttonous snacking, mindless interwebbing - and no one's around to judge me.  Tonight I'm going with ice cream on the couch, peeing with the door open, and a thirty minute scalding-hot shower in which I will shave every hair below my neck and emerge like a brand-new baby seal, ready to be clubbed.  The hubs will come home to a fat, sleepy hairless mammal, curled in a ball on the couch next to an empty ice cream container.  What a lucky, lucky man...

walk, walk it out

So did I mention that Estie learned to walk over the weekend?  That's right people, WALK.  On her FEET.  Moving forward, like a real person who matters and does stuff.  It's pretty cool. 

 

Oh, you're in trouble now! say other moms.  She'll be into everything!

 

Yeah, well.  This little ginger gets into just about everything already, crawling and climbing and moving along furniture to reach things that look important and fun to break.  So really, what's the dif at this point.  Plus, she gets so stinkin' frustrated when she can't run around with the big kids in the yard/ at dance class/ on the playground, etc.  So the convenience of her finally being able to do all that stuff (and me not having to restrain her from crawling places she shouldn't, which results in one pissed-of little Dorito head) far outweighs the power trip she'll likely be on for the next few weeks.  Besides, she's entitled to a little swag in her step.  She learned to walk upright, for God's sake.  What have YOU learned lately?

 

 

my shining star was not really in the mood to perform today.

 

 

some of Honey Boo Boo's Go Juice in her bottle, perhaps?

a bestie for estie!!!

After making me wait for like TEN MONTHS, my very dear friend Lauren finally had a beautiful baby girl for me to play with!

 

Miss Elliot Grace

 

Photo by Elliot's daddy, Robby

 

A natural-born shot-caller, Elliot stubbornly refused to come out on the day her mom's water broke, choosing instead to wait for a C section at 2:30 AM the NEXT day, on her predicted due date. As Lauren's cousin put it, "she knew her rent wasn't up yet."   Baby Elliot was maxing out her lease on Lauren's uterus, like the savvy little boss she's clearly meant to be.  She and Estie are going to be quite the team, as soon as Elliot learns to hold her head up. 

 

Friend!  Friend! 
Let me get on top of her!

 

mommy math

As a parent, it's easy to feel like a failure sometimes.  There's a lot to do and never enough time to do it.  It'll seriously drive you insane.  (Think about your mom - you think she was always that crazy?  No.  You made her that way.)  But I've discovered that the key to keeping your sanity often comes down to basic math. On any given day, if you subtract your "fails" from your successes, things don't seem so bad.  Take for example my day today: I didn't do laundry, my kitchen floor is sticky, and our dinner tasted like Auschwitz rations.  BUT... Annie, her best friend who slept over, AND Estie are all still alive, and relatively free of bodily injury.  For those of you unfamiliar with addition,

 

3 fails

       -3 living kids

     WINNING.

          EVERY TIME.

 

 

 

YAY, FORTS! Clean living rooms are over-rated.

 

i'm baaaaaaaaack!

So let’s just go ahead and address the elephant in the room here:  it’s been like a month since I’ve blogged.  I know.  I’m an ass.  And I’m not going to make any excuses.  All I’ll say is that I’ve had some pretty serious personal issues going on recently.  It’s bad.  A death in the family.  A couple deaths, actually.  And a missing person.  Also a sex tape scandal.  A rather large fern in our living room is wilting.  Plus, I’m growing my bangs out (can I get an amen?!).  Shit’s been ROUGH.  And when your dad and grandma die [twelve and five years ago, respectively] and there are leaves all over your living room and your bare ass is on the internet, it’s kind of hard to churn out light-hearted quippies about ginger kids and ice cream orgies.  Just sayin.

Please inbox me for a mailing address if you would like to send a card.

 

But seriously...

 

My loves, I'm sorry – I let ya down. 

I’ve missed you. 

Thank you for missing me back :)  
 

*Okay, after fielding two separate inquiries from concerned friends, I feel this post requires a disclaimer:  IT'S COMPLETE BULLSHIT! I mean, except the deaths; those people are really dead.  But they've been dead a long time now.  You don't have to feel bad.  Kthxbye!