Tuesday, February 28, 2012

babies and other food

Why do we want to eat our babies?  I mean, not like the way a snake would - with the outline of their little body still visible in your abdomen after you literally ingest them - not like that.  What I mean is, why is it that when our babies are small, their cuteness and our overwhelming love for them creates in us the urge to, well, gobble them up like a Christmas ham?  It’s startling how strong the temptation is, when you have a sweet, squishy baby in your arms, to squeeze the ever loving crap out of it, bury your face in its neck and make Cookie Monster noises (nom nom nom).  And while most parents – hopefully – resist the urge to actually bite, we do put our mouths on our babies an awful lot, don’t we?  We nibble their ears, their bellies, their meaty little thighs.  We put their feet in our mouths – their feet!  I have caught the hubs with Estie’s whole hand in his mouth before. Several times, actually.  Why do we do that?  And think of the frightening things people say to babies.  Like, “I wanna eat you up with a spoon,” or, “I’m gonna get that nose,” or my personal favorite, “I could just sop you up with a biscuit.”  I think you can only hear that last one in the South, but I digress.  Why do we feel compelled to make these downright cannibalistic threats to our own tiny, defenseless infants?  The hubs theorizes that it stems from our instinct to protect them.  We want to keep our offspring as close and as safe as possible, and the safest place our subconscious can come up with is inside of our own bodies.  Basically we want to encase our children like human bubble wrap.  It’s an interesting theory (the hubs did take psych in college) but who knows.  What I do know is how much Estie’s ears look like little tortellinis, and how much her legs resemble those smoked turkey drumsticks you get at carnivals. Hey, don’t judge me.  I didn’t design the system.  It's not my fault she looks like a little baby buffet.  And don't pretend you don't see it, too.  You know you’d eat this baby. 

Nom nom nom...

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