Why do we want to eat our babies? I mean, not like the way a snake would - with the
outline of their little body still visible in your abdomen after you
literally ingest them - not like that.
What I mean is, why is it that when our babies are small, their cuteness
and our overwhelming love for them creates in us the urge to, well, gobble them up like a Christmas ham? It’s startling how strong the temptation is,
when you have a sweet, squishy baby in your arms, to squeeze the ever loving
crap out of it, bury your face in its neck and make Cookie Monster noises (nom
nom nom). And while most parents –
hopefully – resist the urge to actually bite, we do put our mouths on our babies
an awful lot, don’t we? We nibble their
ears, their bellies, their meaty little thighs. We put their feet in our mouths – their feet! I have caught the hubs with Estie’s whole
hand in his mouth before. Several times, actually. Why do we do that? And think of the frightening things people say
to babies. Like, “I wanna eat you up
with a spoon,” or, “I’m gonna get that nose,” or my personal favorite, “I could
just sop you up with a biscuit.” I think
you can only hear that last one in the South, but I digress. Why do we feel compelled to make these downright cannibalistic
threats to our own tiny, defenseless infants? The hubs theorizes that it stems from our instinct
to protect them. We want to keep our
offspring as close and as safe as possible, and the safest place our subconscious
can come up with is inside of our own bodies.
Basically we want to encase our children like human bubble wrap. It’s an interesting theory (the hubs did take psych in college) but who
knows. What I do know is how much Estie’s
ears look like little tortellinis, and how much her legs resemble those smoked
turkey drumsticks you get at carnivals. Hey, don’t judge me. I didn’t design the system. It's not my fault she looks like a little baby buffet. And don't pretend you don't see it, too. You know you’d eat this
baby.
Nom nom nom...
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