Tuesday, July 24, 2012

dearest dears, i have been gone too long...

Well, really only about three weeks.  But that is a lifetime on the internet, especially for someone who is supposed to blog every single day.  I’m sorry.  And I’m not going to make any lame excuses, like about how we’ve been travelling across the country or throwing surprise 60th birthday parties or meeting friends' brand-new babies and stuff.  None of that.  What I WILL do is get this majorly-overdue post out of the way to break this awful silence, and then get back to my daily (DAILY) writing routine.  Believe it or not, at least five to sevenish people have asked me WTF is up, regarding my suddenly nonexistent public rants.  Apparently a handful of folks actually look forward to reading my posts each day.  APPARENTLY, I have fans.  Raving ones.  And I've realized: I have a duty to uphold here.  This is serious.  This blog has become more than just some daily dumpsite for my spews of left-field word vomit; it is IMPORTANT.  It's a BIG DEAL.  I am single handedly responsible for my readers' happiness - quite possibly the only bright spot in your otherwise dreary and pointless lives.  I am your salvation, the light at the end of your tunnel, your reward for making it through the day without killing your kids or coworkers.  I am your amusement superhero.  It is my job, neigh, my DUTY, to fill your dull little lives with joy and laughter like a skinnier, slightly more cynical Santa Claus with boobs.  I wonder if I could get that on a business card...

I'm completely kidding, by the way.  But of course you know that.  I do feel really badly about my absence though, and as a peace offering, I'd like to share a treat with you: 

THIS... is "summer beer."  Forget family, forget friends, screw the Atlantic Ocean - summer beer is the best thing that happened to the hubs and me during the last month.  And because you are so very special, I will share the super-secret sacred recipe with you.  Enjoy!

from our dear, drunk friend Ash

>Twelve pack of beer,
whatever you have on hand (we used Bud Light)

>One 19oz tub of Country Time lemonade powder

>Fifth of vodka (we used strawberry Smirnoff)

Serves, um... like five people for an evening.  Probably.

A word to the wise: mix the two liquids first and then start adding the powder SLOWLY - like a spoonful at a time - and mix well before adding the next spoonful, to avoid a major foam explosion.  After you've mixed a good amount of powder in, you can start adding more at a time.

And CAUTION:  Summer beer is freaking delicious and its effects will sneak up on you.  Case in point: the clogging duet I talked my husband into performing after one (or four) too many glasses of what tasted like harmless, refreshing punch.  I am both supremely sad and intensely relieved that nobody got in on video... but yeah, summer beer.  Be careful.

So I guess that's that, for now. I really am sorry I dropped the blogging ball for so long - I'm back on track now and I won't let you down! Like I said, I've realized how incredibly IMPORTANT I am to you guys. And if there's one thing I'm really good at, it's letting shit like that completely go to my head.

Speaking of heads, one more thing: 

The second best thing to happen this month: 
Estie in my mom's wig. 
Who says cancer's not funny?
(And super creepy!)

PS - my mama is all done with her chemo now and she's doing great!  Time to start radiation and, hopefully, hair regrowth!  Thank you all for your sweet thoughts and words.  We were blessed - she's a fighter! 

See y'all tomorrow! 

1 comment:

  1. Welcome back, you twisted thing!!!