So last week I got mastitis. If you've ever fed a mini-person from your chest melons, you know what that is. And if you haven't, it's an infection that occurs in your milk ducts. Gross, I know. Believe me. And it doesn't feel so hot, either. I had a wretched fever for like 36 hours and did utterly shameful things in search of relief. I took antibiotics, for one thing (vegans and tree huggers, ATTACK!), but I also tried a few homeopathic remedies, one of which was a time-honored, infamous old wive's cure calling for cabbage.
In your bra.
You put the cabbage in your bra, guys. You really do.
In your bra.
You put the cabbage in your bra, guys. You really do.
And I did.
And it felt... amazing. Refreshing, even. Seriously!
And it smelled... like cabbage. EYE smelled like cabbage. For several days. If last week had a tag line, it would be, "Who pooped?" There were many double-baby diaper checks before the hubs finally accepted that the epic stink was, in fact, emanating from his wife's breasts. It was a real high point for us sexually, as you can imagine.
Ladies, lemme tell you: if you ever get the chance to pull wilted, body temperature vegetables out of your underpinnings, I highly recommend the experience. It just feels... sexy. Better yet, have you partner take 'em out.
Welcome to boner town! Population: YOU GUYS.
You're welcome.
And it smelled... like cabbage. EYE smelled like cabbage. For several days. If last week had a tag line, it would be, "Who pooped?" There were many double-baby diaper checks before the hubs finally accepted that the epic stink was, in fact, emanating from his wife's breasts. It was a real high point for us sexually, as you can imagine.
Ladies, lemme tell you: if you ever get the chance to pull wilted, body temperature vegetables out of your underpinnings, I highly recommend the experience. It just feels... sexy. Better yet, have you partner take 'em out.
Welcome to boner town! Population: YOU GUYS.
You're welcome.
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| stinktits |
Leila: I hope this is not a repeat, but I cannot find where I posted before. -- I just love to read your blogs. Your a great mom, little sister, wife and daughter. Love you, Mo.
ReplyDeleteOh girl. I got mastitis so bad I had to stop breastfeeding. 11 years later, I still have PTSD from it.
ReplyDeleteSo you feel my pain! I'm pretty sure my whole family has PTSD. Cabbage is officially off the menu from here on out!
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