Monday, January 13, 2014

yep. those are my boobs.

So last week I got mastitis. If you've ever fed a mini-person from your chest melons, you know what that is. And if you haven't, it's an infection that occurs in your milk ducts. Gross, I know. Believe me. And it doesn't feel so hot, either. I had a wretched fever for like 36 hours and did utterly shameful things in search of relief. I took antibiotics, for one thing (vegans and tree huggers, ATTACK!), but I also tried a few homeopathic remedies, one of which was a time-honored, infamous old wive's cure calling for cabbage.

In your bra.

You put the cabbage in your bra, guys. You really do.
And I did.
And it felt... amazing. Refreshing, even. Seriously!

And it smelled... like cabbage. EYE smelled like cabbage. For several days. If last week had a tag line, it would be, "Who pooped?"  There were many double-baby diaper checks before the hubs finally accepted that the epic stink was, in fact, emanating from his wife's breasts. It was a real high point for us sexually, as you can imagine.

Ladies, lemme tell you: if you ever get the chance to pull wilted, body temperature vegetables out of your underpinnings, I highly recommend the experience. It just feels... sexy. Better yet, have you partner take 'em out.

Welcome to boner town! Population: YOU GUYS.

You're welcome.



  1. Leila: I hope this is not a repeat, but I cannot find where I posted before. -- I just love to read your blogs. Your a great mom, little sister, wife and daughter. Love you, Mo.

  2. Oh girl. I got mastitis so bad I had to stop breastfeeding. 11 years later, I still have PTSD from it.

    1. So you feel my pain! I'm pretty sure my whole family has PTSD. Cabbage is officially off the menu from here on out!